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A Whole New Set of Problems

Disclaimer: I don’t own Ranma one-half. I wanted to do a series of one-shots in this series that were a little humorous that seemed in line with the wackiness that the creator put into the manga/anime. I came up with three. Enjoy the first one that follows.

“Boy, you should be willing to lay down your life for the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts!” Genma Saotome shouted at his son as he aimed a kick toward the boy’s head.

“My life, yes. My manhood’s another story,” Ranma yelled back. He ducked under the kick and then launched his Chestnuts Technique, which sent Genma crashing into the wall. Ranma, not waiting for his father to get up, stormed out of the dojo and onto the streets of Tokyo.

Ranma fumed as he walked. Another training session turned into yet another fight. As usual, it was all his dad’s fault. If his dad understood Chinese, they would never have go to Jusenkyo. Or would they have? No, no they definitely wouldn’t have gone there.

Ranma’s anger faded as he imagined what his life would have been if he was curseless. What a life it would be: No fiancés, no one chasing after his girl form, and no crazy Amazons trying to kill him or marry him. Just good old martial arts training.

“Ranma Saotome! Prepare to die and relinquish your hold on Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed girl!” a voice several yards behind him cried.

Ranma closed his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. Speaking of people chasing his girl form. Kuno had been his most persistent opponent since his first day of school in Tokyo. The guy thought Ranma loved two girls and was very possessive of them. Kuno didn’t know that Ranma and the pig-tailed girl were the same person. He had all but shown Kuno of this fact.

Wait! If I show him, he’d be out of my hair for good. Why didn’t I think of this a long time ago?

Ranma turned and caught the tip of the kendo sword with his fingertips, eyes still closed. “Look, Kuno,” he said, opening his eyes. “if you want the pig-tailed girl, you can have her. She’s yours.”

“You would give up your claim to my gorgeous redheaded goddess?”

“Sure. She’s not really my type.”

“And what of fair Akane Tendo?”

“She may be uncute and a bit of a tomboy, but she is my fiancé.” Personally, Ranma found Akane to be a cute, nice girl. He just couldn’t bring himself to tell her to her face.

“Hey, Kuno. It so happens I know where the pig-tailed girl is. Heh, follow me.” Ranma quickly headed toward the school and the pool where Kuno first saw his girl form. Both boys were unaware that Kodachi was secretly tailing them.


Ranma was inwardly shaking with trepidation. He had never deliberately shown anyone his curse. But, to get Kuno to leave him alone, he had to do this. He could almost see the look of disgust on Kuno’s face when he sees Ranma change from boy to girl.

Ranma stopped at the poolside and looked back to see Kuno wildly searching for his “love.” He looked somewhat comical.

“So,” the upperclassman said. “where is she? Curse you, Saotome! I shall smite you if you have deceived me!”

“Oh, she’s here. Kuno, do you remember when she said at the gymnastics competition that she and I share one mind and one body?” Ranma picked up a pail and filled it with water.

“Oh, yes. I remember. How that moment has haunted my dreams.”

“Well, the reason she said that is because I am the girl.”

“You lie.”

“Oh, it’s true. Watch this. Oh and don’t blink.” Ranma turned around, the pail over his head. He waited until Kuno did blink before dumping the water on his head.

“Brrr,” he said in his girl voice. She looked at Kuno to see him staring at her in shock, his mouth hanging around his knees.

“S-Saotome?” came a strangled whisper.

“You’re probably wondering how this happened, right?” His answer was a nod. “Well, in China there’s a place called Jusenkyo and it has thousands of springs. Each spring has a story where someone or something drowned there. If you fall into one, you take the body of what drowned there when splashed with cold water. You change back with hot water. I ended up falling in Spring of Drowned Girl.”

“Only you would be stupid enough to fall in a cursed spring, Saotome.”

“Yeah. Stupid me.” Ranma smirked inwardly when she saw Kuno trying to curb his usual impulse to hug his “love.” Clearly, the kendo star would be fighting his impulses for a while.

“Well, follow me and I’ll show you my hot water change.” Ranma walked inside with Kuno right behind her as well as Kodachi.


Kuno felt as if he was in a dream. Ranma, his hated rival, and his pig-tailed girl were the same person! Discreetly, he pinched himself to insure that he wasn’t dreaming- ouch! Nope, this was no dream. He followed Ranma into the boy’s room where the cursed boy filled another bucket, this time with hot water, which she dumped on herself and became a boy again.

“So, Kuno,” Ranma said as they left the restroom. “I guess you’ll stop chasing my girl side, huh?”

Before the seventeen-year old could respond, Kodachi came flying up the hall and flung her arms around Ranma’s neck.

“Oh, my poor darling Ranma,” she cried. “I had no idea that redheaded girl was you the whole time.”

“K-Kodachi!” he sputtered. “What are you- whoa!” He grabbed Kodachi around the waist and leaped out of the path of some cold water. He landed and turned to see Kuno with an empty pail.

“What’s the big idea?” he shouted. “You know what’ll happen if cold water hits me”

“Precisely my intention,” Kuno replied. “If thou stayed a girl, then thou would eventually love me.” He laughed as this scene played though his mind.

“That’s sick!” Ranma exclaimed. “I would never love you!”

“So true,” Kodachi purred. “You’re a boy Ranma. You deserve to stay as one and love me, The Black Rose.”

Ranma didn’t hear the last part of the second sentence. Kodachi had a point. He deserved to stay a boy- permanently. No more changing to a girl. The life he had always dreamed about. But then all those fun things he did as a girl would be forever denied to him- especially eating sweets.

A metallic clang cut into his thoughts. He looked to see Kuno with a full pail and Kodachi beside her brother with kettle that had steam issuing from its spout. It was clear to Ranma that Kuno would be ambushing Ranma with cold water from now on while Kodachi waited with hot water. This meant he would have to be on his guard whenever he left the Tendo dojo.

Both siblings took a step toward him. Ranma didn’t hesitate. He pushed past them and bolted out of the school, yelling in terror.

The End