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Hogwarts Online

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything except the screen names.

‘blah’ means thoughts
(A/N: blah) means Author Notes

Severus was in a bad mood and being pulled away from his dungeons and potion brewing in order to attend a staff meeting did not help matters. ‘This had better be important.’

He walked into the staff room and saw McGonagall and the two Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers, Remus and Sirius, talking to Dumbledore

“Ah, Severus. You made it,” Dumbledore said.

“About time,” Sirius sneered.

“Unlike you, I cannot drop what I am doing whenever Albus calls. My work is very delicate,” Severus defended.

“All right. That’s enough. I’ve called you four here because one of the students, who shall remain nameless, had an idea and I think it’s a very good idea. The student came up with a wizarding version of the muggle technology called the internet. She called it the Wireless Wizarding Network.”

“You said ‘she. Ms. Granger, wasn’t it?” Severus inquired.

“No, actually. It was a Ravenclaw who came up with the idea.”

“So, how do we operate the technology?” McGonagall asked.

“With these.” Dumbledore pointed to a stack of thin laptops.

Remus took one and examined it. He looked at the Headmaster. “How do you work it?”

Once everyone had one, Dumbledore started to explain. “First, you push the button in the front while you push up on the top half. Then flip the switch on the right side and that’s it.”

“That’s all? I thought it would be hard,” Remus said.

“After that, you need to think of a screen name. It’s kind of like a code name that others can call you by when you log on. You will type this name into the box that pops up and then you can type responses to other witches or wizards who are also on.”

“That sounds like fun,” Sirius commented.

“I want all of you to learn how to use this, so I expect to see you on tonight. Oh, don’t be surprised if you see some students on because the Ravenclaw gave some to her friends.”

“If that’s all, Albus, I’ll be on my way,” Severus stated. After Dumbledore nodded, Severus swept out of the room carrying the laptop.


Severus was sitting at his desk with the laptop on his desk. He sighed. ‘Might as well get it over with.’ He turned it on and waited for the screen for the screen to pop up. -Screen name: _____________________- it prompted.

‘Oh right. A name.’ An idea popped into his mind. He smirked evilly. ‘Too perfect.’

Former_DE: The Headmaster told the staff to learn how to use this piece of muggle technology. Why am I the only one on?

Kitty_Professor has logged on

Former_DE: Minerva?!

Kitty_Professor: Who’s that?

Former_DE: Ten points off Gryffindor for being oblivious

Kitty_Professor: Severus?

Former_DE: You’re right but you’re not getting those ten points back

Kitty_Professor: What’s the DE in your screen name stand for?

Former_DE: Death Eater

Kitty_Professor: *faints*

GR8ST_Wiz had logged on

Kitty_Professor: Albus, did you know that your precious Potions Master is a former Death Eater?

GR8ST_Wiz: Yes

Kitty_Professor: *faints*

GR8ST_Wiz: Minerva?

Kitty_Professor: …

Former_DE: I think she’s in shock

GR8ST_Wiz: Ah

Live_At_Library_Girl has logged on

Live_At_Library_Girl: Hello, Professors!

Kitty_Professor: Interesting screen name, Ms. Granger

Live_At_Library_Girl: Harry and Ron suggested it

MajesticScar has logged on
Wizard_Chess_Master#1 has logged on

Former _DE: Well, the Gryffindor Wonder Trio is here

MajesticScar: Hello to you too, Professor Snape

GR8ST_Wiz: ‘Gryffindor Wonder Trio?’ Why do you call them that?

Former_DE: It’s a wonder they haven’t gotten themselves killed

MajesticScar: !

Wizard_Chess_Master#1: !

Live_At_Library_Girl: !

Kitty_Professor: Severus!

Slytherin_Dragon has logged on

Slytherin_Dragon: *looks around* Great. Professor Snape and I are two Slytherins at a Gryffindor convention

MajesticScar: Then leave or we’ll make you leave

Slytherin_Dragon: I’d like to see you try it

Former_DE: Do anything to Draco and it’ll be twenty points off Gryffindor, Potter!

MajesticScar: O___o

Moony has logged on
Padfoot has logged on

Padfoot: Moony! What’s up?

Moony: I’m well, Padfoot. Yourself?

Padfoot: Great! Hey, look! Harry’s here!

MajesticScar: Hey, Moony and Padfoot

Padfoot: Hey, Harry. I’m gonna change your sn, ok?

MajesticScar: Sure

Padfoot: Give me a sec

Moony: Hello, Hermione, Ron, Albus, Minerva, Draco, and Severus

Former_DE: Don’t talk to me

Live_At_Library_Girl: Hello, Professor

Wizard_Chess_Master#1: Hi, Prof!

GR8ST_Wiz: Hello, Remus

Kitty_Professor: Figures you’d choose that name, Remus

Padfoot: Ok, Harry. Try it.

Prongs_Jr: Here goes

Prongs_Jr: Cool sn, Padfoot

Padfoot: I also changed someone else’s sn *snicker*

Moony: You didn’t!

Padfoot: *sits there with an innocent look on face and a halo hanging over head*

Prongs_Jr: You’re not fooling anyone, Padfoot

Wizard_Chess_Master#1: Who’s sn did ya change?

Padfoot: Snape’s

Prongs_Jr: *looks at Snape*

Wizard_Chess_Master#1: *looks at Snape*

Live_At_Library_Girl: What did you change it to?

Snivellus: Black, you’re far from innocent

Snivellus: You’re going to regret this, Black!

Prongs_Jr: *laughs*

Live_At_Library_Girl: *laughs*

Wizard_Chess_Master#1: *laughs*

Moony: *tries not to laugh*

Kitty_Professor: *stifles laughter*

Snivellus: *fuming*

Slytherin_Dragon: Hang on, Professor Snape. I’ve got a solution

Snivellus: Hurry

Padfoot: *laughing uncontrollably*

Slytherin_Dragon: Okay, Professor. Try it now.

Snivellus: Ten points to Slytherin if it worked

Snivellus: It didn’t work, but I’ll still give you the ten points

Snivellus has logged out

Padfoot: Aw! Now, we can’t pick on him!

Prongs_Jr: There’s still Malfoy

Padfoot: True but Snape’s more fun

Former_DE has logged on

Former_DE: Albus, you’ve been quiet through most of this

GR8ST_Wiz: I’m enjoying the interaction between Hogwarts’s best students both past and present

Former_DE: Best students?

Moony: Albus, not all of us were great students

GR8ST_Wiz: Maybe not with grades but I’m counting other things as well

Escaped_Convict: Like good looks?

Prongs_Jr: Who’s that?

Escaped_Convict: You’re going to pay for this, Snivelly!

Live_At_Library_Girl: Padfoot?

Moony: Who else present would call Severus that?

Slytherin_Dragon: Good idea, Professor Snape

Former_DE: One name change deserves another

Prongs_Jr: Keep out of this, Ferret

Slytherin_Dragon: Or what?

Prongs_Jr: You’ll see

Slytherin_Dragon: I’m staying

Prongs_Jr: All right

Bouncing _Ferret: You are full of it, Potter

Kitty_Professor: *stifles laughter*

Bouncing_Ferret: Potter!

Former_DE: Potter! Set his screen name right!

Prongs_Jr: Or what?

Former_DE: Or I’ll take points off Gryffindor

Escaped_Convict: Stay out of his business, Snivelly. Besides, you and I have some unfinished business to attend to.

Prongs_Jr: You always take points off Gryffindor, so what’s my incentive?

Former_DE: The threat of losing the House Cup

Live_At_Library_Girl: Harry! Don’t you dare make us lose the Cup

Bouncing_Ferret has logged out

Former_DE: Everyone with a name change has logged out, so Black and Potter, what are your reasons for staying? Could it all be true?

Prongs_Jr: Of course mine is true! I am James’s son

Former_DE: And Black?

Escaped_Convict has logged out

Former_DE: *smirk* I guess it was true

Slytherin_Dragon has logged on
Padfoot has logged on

Padfoot: *singsong voice* I’m ba-ack!

Former_DE: *sarcastic* Oh, joy

Padfoot: Stuff it, Snivelly

Former_DE: Make me

GR8ST_Wiz: Children!

Former_DE: *points at Black* He started it!

Padfoot: *points at Snape* He started it!

GR8ST_Wiz: I don’t care who started it, but I ended it

Moony: Next subject please

Live_At_Library_Girl: LOL

Wizard_Chess_Master#1: What’s LOL?

Live_At_Library_Girl: It means laugh out loud

Wizard_Chess_Master#1: Why didn’t you just write that out?

Live_At_Library_Girl: You mean type it out. The reason is because it’s faster

Wizard_Chess_Master#1: O___o

(A/N: 10 minutes pass)

GR8ST_Wiz: Someone start a conversation please

Moony: You just did, sir

Former_DE: I have a question, Albus. Why did we have to learn to use this muggle contraption?

GR8ST_Wiz: Consider it a course in advanced Muggle Studies, Severus

Former_DE: …

Padfoot: The students have been silent for awhile

Mudblood_scum: I was reading

Mudblood_lover: I was enjoying the conversation

ScarHead: I was enjoying the conversation

Kitty_Professor: Who are they?

Moony: I’m going to take a guess and say Hermione, Ron, and Harry, respectively

Kitty_Professor: It that true?

Mudblood_scum: I’m Hermione

Mudblood_lover: I’m Ron

ScarHead: I’m Harry

Padfoot: Who changed their sn?

ScarHead: I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count

Moony: Draco

Mudblood_scum: Exactly

Slytherin_Dragon: Why do you automatically blame me?

Kitty_Professor: Did you do it, Mr. Malfoy?

Slytherin_Dragon: Yeah, but that’s not the point

Former_DE: 30 points to Slytherin for being ingenious

Kitty_Professor: 30 points from Slytherin for being cruel

Mudblood_scum has logged out
Mudblood_lover has logged out
ScarHead has logged out

Former_DE: Finally some peace and quiet

Slytherin_Dragon: It won’t last long, sir

Former_DE: I know

Live_At_Library_Girl has logged on
Wizard_Chess_Master#1 has logged on
Prongs_Jr has logged on

Live_At_Library_Girl: All of this chatting has gotten me more interested in what the muggle world has to offer the wizarding world. I’ve got research to do!

Live_At_Library_Girl has logged out

Wizard_Chess_Master#1: She needs to sort out her priorities. Fun comes before research

Prongs_Jr: Before recreational research you mean

Wizard_Chess_Master#1: Recreational research? That just sounds wrong. Wanna play wizard’s chess?

Prongs_Jr: No, but I bet Padfoot would like to

Padfoot: Sure would

Wizard_Chess_Master#1 has logged out
Padfoot has logged out

Moony: As much as I’d like to stay, I’ve got to prepare for tomorrow’s lessons

Moony has logged out

Slytherin_Dragon: I’ve got Quidditch practice later. See you on the pitch, Potter!

Slytherin_Dragon has logged out

Kitty_Professor: I also must leave. I have essays to grade.

Kitty_Professor has logged out

GR8ST_Wiz: As much fun as this has been, my post has been piling up and is demanding my attention

GR8ST_Wiz has logged out

Former_DE: 10 points off Gryffindor if you leave before I do, Potter

Prongs_Jr: O__o Yes, sir

Former_DE: Good

(A/N: 10 minutes pass)

Prongs_Jr: Are you there, sir?

Prongs_Jr: Let me try something

Prongs_Jr: Mean old greasy Snivellus

(A/N: A couple minutes pass)

Prongs_Jr: Ok, I’m out of here!

Prongs_Jr has logged out

Former_DE: POTTER!

”The End”